there's no place like home
Tuesday, 15 April 2008
click click
Well I did it! I told Liverpool that I've decided to finish my degree back in Arizona. Yes I was nervous, yes I laid awake last night trying to formulate a speech, yes I didn't want to get out of bed this morning and no I didn't eat any breakfast. But it wasn't bad, in fact they were sorry that things didn't work out here but at the same time they understood and were supportive. I also took the opportunity to squash some rumors I've been hearing, I kept hearing myself being quoted as saying things I never did. I am still amazed that adults can be so petty. I don't know about the rest of them but I graduated high school. Anyway I apologized for the mess that surrounded my situation and thanked them for giving me the opportunity to come to Liverpool again. Overall the whole thing went well, and I feel like it ended on a good note, which was important to me because you never know when you may need to call on them for something.
I feel loads better, really like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Now I can just sit back and relax, do my work, and enjoy what time I have left here. I'm not sure when exactly I'll be leaving that all depends on my budgeting skills next month. Plus any traveling I do will reduce the length I'm able to stay and I do want to do a bit of traveling while I can.
I love my super cheap ruby slippers I picked up at Primark awhile back. I bought them to wear to Wicked but it turns out that they stuck to Baum's book and used silver slippers... oh well they're still shiny and pretty! Looks like we'll be spending a few days in London next month before we head off to Rhodes. So I will finally get to see Wicked, can't wait!
. listening . try again . keane . under the iron sea .
posted by Ashleigh @ 19:35,
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it's still friday right?
Sunday, 13 April 2008
What happened to the weekend? Poof! It's nearly gone! And once again I didn't accomplish everything on my list. I swear I have become the LAZIEST person ever! I never used to be this bad. I just don't want to do anything except for read, sleep, eat and occasionaly blog. I did get a chance to finish Saturday and The Plot Against America before the weekend started and I did get caught up on Les Misérables (pg 960) but I only posted 2 book reviews!
There was a good quote from Les Misérables about laziness that for different reasons scarily resembles my current status. One of the characters, Marius is lovesick and out of sorts.
During all these torments, and for a long time now, he had stopped his work, and nothing is more dangerous than discontinued labor; it is a habit lost. A habit easy to abandon, difficult to resume.
I was busy this weekend doing a favor for a friend, major scanning sessions. I think I clocked about 7 hours so far, still have more to do. I hope this builds karma in case I ever need someone to do the same for me. To help pass the time I started listening to Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, which I've read of course but I like all the voices that Jim Dale does. It's been a long time since I've read it and I think my memory was based on the film and boy howdy did they skip over a lot when they made that. Oh well they still did a pretty decent job and I look forward to #6 later this year.
I finally emailed my "supervisors", not sure at the time if that's what they were or not, but I wanted to touch base and see if they've come up with a solution to my dilemma since our last meeting 5 weeks ago. I received an email back apologizing for the delay and saying that everything had been worked out. Well thanks for telling me sooner... Anyway I still need to meet with them to tell that I've decided to return home. I'm so not looking forward to it. I know I could just email them back to tell them but I really think it should be something said in person. Oh my stomach is just in knots about it, I hate confrontation and I hate problems. I prefer to just ignore them in the hopes that they will just go away but of course they never do.
Now I'm nervous about going home, I mean what if I'm not admitted into the program? What if it's a mistake? I know it's the right thing for me to do and all I need to do is remember how unhappy I've been here but it's scary and Liverpool has seduced me. It's also embarassing because a lot of people (friends included) don't understand, they think I'm coming home because I couldn't make it here and that's absolutely not the case. The program here is the wrong fit and there really isn't anyone to supervise me. Sure they've solved it for now but the person they chose goes on sabbatical all of next year so once again I'll be tossed up into the air. And they mentioned shifting people to make room for me and I don't feel right about that. That's not fair to the other student. I tried, they tried, we all tried but it didn't work out. Arizona will take me back, inshallah, it will be hello hard but in the end worth it, right?
On a high note, I've been invited to a masquerade ball on the 24th! I've got a black cocktail dress that hopefully still fits (major treadmill/eliptical sessions in the very near future) and a black shawl and heels. Hopefully I can find some inexpensive black opera gloves and I really would like to buy this mask. It should be a really fun night!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM! oxoxoxox
Have a good week!
. listening . bring me up . lisa loeb . cake and pie .
posted by Ashleigh @ 23:01,
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after the weekend
Monday, 7 April 2008
Returned to the office today and I couldn't help but miss my books but as luck would have it my German reading seminar was cancelled so I got to go home early. I was a little reading machine this weekend: I finished The Voyage Out, Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day and The First Century After Beatrice got caught up on Les Misérables (on pg 720) and read 100+ pgs of The Female Quixote which I might be able to finish tonight.
Today was spent researching the PhD in Anthropology at The University of Arizona and making contacts with some of the faculty. I'm getting excited about the program and wish I could jump into it this fall but alas must wait until 2009!! The classes sound great and I really think that the UofA will make me into a great archaeologist, I only hope that I can figure out how to work the Egypt angle since most of the department focuses on the southwest. But I have been told that it would be possible for my Egyptology mentor to act as chair on my dissertation committee. I may decide to do a MA in Classics at the same time... but am not 100% sure on that yet. I know from talking to other PhD students doing Egyptology who were close to or have finished who said that the job market was looking for professors that could also teach from the Classics. I just have to decide if I really want to get involved in intensive Greek and Latin, as I will need to catch up.
Haven't given anyone here my resignation yet, not looking forward to it. I'm going to miss Liverpool!
. listening . lonely people . augustana . all the stars and the boulevards .
posted by Ashleigh @ 20:10,
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in which she makes a tough decision...
Tuesday, 11 March 2008
Do I stay or do I go? This is where I think I'm at, the fork in the road. Life in Liverpool has been difficult - well I should say academic life. I have not felt very welcome here by the staff, my fellow colleagues have been great but unfortunately that's not going to carry me very far.
The problem is that I was accepted here based on my proposal of studying archaeological aspects of prayer during the New Kingdom. It sounded feasible to me. I love studying religion especially in Egypt and I have an archaeological background. Now on day 1 I met with my supervisor and left completely shocked! Apparently in his opinion a research project like this could not be completed by me because I don't have the background (i.e. I don't have a BA in Egyptology) and I could never learn enough in 3 years time to even attempt this project. Now I say I was shocked because I couldn't understand why in 9 months time nobody notified me of this via email. I completed my MA at this school so they know me and my background and if they forgot my entire academic history was written in my CV. So what conclusion am I to come to other than I was accepted because as an international student I bring in more money (a lot more money) and as a statistic I look great?
Ok well here I am in Liverpool I've got to make this work. So I contacted my mentor back home and discussed a few ideas. It was at this point I was given permission to use data coming out of our excavation in Egypt. Wow! Such a rare opportunity! Over the next few days I chewed on the idea trying to figure out how I could make this into a project. At the end of my first week I met with the Graduate Tutor to tell him that my first project had been rejected and here's what I've come up with. They agreed that the project sounded good and it was suggested that I talk to another instructor in the department about being my secondary supervisor since my current one would absolutely be wrong for this new direction. I went to see them and they seemed to be thrilled that I had the opportunity to use new data - because I'm telling you it is very rare! Everything seemed to be fine.
My primary supervisor however, seemed to have lost interest in me and my project and seemed to use our meetings as a forum of nothing but criticism. Now I can handle criticism, in fact I appreciate it BUT constructive criticism is of more use to me than wasting my time basically telling me in so many words that I'm stupid and they don't understand why I'm even here. If there's a problem with something I'm doing I want to know why and I would like some feedback as to what I can do to fix the situation so I don't continue to repeat it. I am only in my first year as a PhD student I'm in the process of learning what it means to be a research student and how to go about doing my research. Cut me some slack! Don't hold my hand but some direction would be nice. Especially since with a project change I'm starting from square one.
By December and buckets of tears later I realized this was no good. This was an unhealthy supervisor/student relationship. It is widely believed that students should feel comfortable having tea with their supervisor - ummmmm.... ABSOLUTELY NOT! I sought advice from the graduate college as I truly felt that was the first place to go. And I'll admit I was very upset and was in tears. It was their advice to speak to the faculty head (going over quite a few heads) to get this situated. Unfortunately I was not able to meet with them before Christmas break and then I was off to Egypt (thank God because working in the field and talking with my mentor got me excited again about my work as well as boosted my ego and made me realize that I'm not stupid). Anyway I've talked to a string of people now and the process is still being dragged out.
I had a meeting last Thursday with the Graduate Tutor, potential new supervisor and my secondary supervisor. It was the Spanish Inquisition. I felt like I was on trial having to justify my actions and having to validate my research project. Before the meeting I emailed my mentor back home and said this is how I would like to use the excavation material to make absolute sure that full permission was given and that there would be no problems. Permission was granted, he's very excited about my project and says he's been waiting for someone to do this type of research (looking at the development of the mortuary temples). He even went above and beyond and said that the temple and its material could be used as a control therefore if possible he could alter excavation plans in order to help me answer questions. Oh my God! Seriously folks this is just not heard of. He was also interested in sitting as an external supervisor to help legitimize my use of the material.
I thought this is perfect perhaps this will lighten the load since one of the problems of switching supervisors is putting me with someone who isn't already overloaded. They're eyes bugged when I said my mentor was willing to adjust the excavation plans to aid my research. After about an hour I stepped out into the hall while they discussed. When I came back they agreed to see about shifting some other students about so that they can work out a new supervisory team but they seem now to have a problem with my project. They believe that it's valid research for a MPhil but not for a PhD. I think because we got so tied up with discussing my work in Egypt they had it in their head that that was all I was wanting to do and I had said this would only be a chapter. But anyway we were meant to meet this morning to work out the details of the project but that's been cancelled because they don't yet have a solution to the supervisor problem.
Now one of the things they asked me was why don't I go home? I said, trust me if I could I would. I explained that Arizona does not have an Egyptology program to which they replied well what's important is the student, the supervisor and the research. Good point. However, I would need to be enrolled in some sort of relevant program. My mentor is in the Classics dept but it does not offer a PhD. The only other place for me to go would be back to the anthro dept where I would be taking coursework in southwest archaeology - not particularly relevant to Egyptology. Plus there's the fact that application deadlines have come and gone so I wouldn't be able to start until the fall of 2009.
BUT I've been thinking about it and researching it. And I think I could work it out. I've been studying the classes available in the anthro dept and it looks like there are a lot of theoretical and practical archaeological courses that could be used in any archaeological field. I would be able to work with my mentor. I'd be back at home - or at least 2 hours away. There's sunshine, never thought I'd admit to missing the damn AZ sun. Sure it's hot but it's a dry heat right? Now as for my start date I couldn't officially be in the anthro dept until next fall but starting this fall I could enroll as a non-degree seeking student and at least begin taking some of the courses so I wouldn't be too far behind. Unfortunately I'll have to take the GRE (grrrr) so got to study for that. And I could join the Pride of Arizona - the marching band!!! I love marching band and miss it. I didn't actually join the Pride when I was doing my BA because it is a lot of work and I was on scholarship and afraid to lose it. But now I think I could manage. In general I miss being a Wildcat. The University of Arizona is a great school and the anthro dept is #5 in the country so that's good right?
This is all so crazy and complicated. But I have to do what's right for me no matter what I think people might say. I haven't failed, Liverpool failed me. I had high hopes and have been met with nothing but disappointment and grief. And I honestly think this is what they want me to do, it's easier on them if I just leave then they don't have to 'deal with me'. And it's not like this year would have been a complete waste of my time. I have been able to conduct research, use the Egyptology library and over the summer I can hit the museums in London and Manchester to study the foundation deposit from our temple excavated by Petrie. So in a sense I'm still working. Well nothing has been decided for sure but this isn't the first time I've thought about going back home. But because I keep returning to the idea and now that it seems feasible perhaps it would be the best thing to do. Nothing's been decided for sure just yet. I need to really think about it.
. listening . elephant . damien rice . 9 .
Labels: school
posted by Ashleigh @ 19:44,
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happy birthday to me
Thursday, 6 March 2008
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! Pictured to the left is a fantastic cake or cakes rather created by the brilliant Colette Peters. If I could this would be the cake I would use to celebrate the day! As it is there's been no cake and seeing how it's going on 10 pm don't think there will be. This has been an interesting birthday. Frankly I'd have to say it's been the worse! I still feel like crap and have major sinus pain in my cheeks, my eyeballs feel like they're going to fall out along with my teeth. Got another doc appt in the morning so hopefully they'll get me some more antibodies. It's been 5 weeks since the last batch so here's hoping they oblige...Beyond that today was very stressful because I met with with the dept head, potential new supervisor and acting secondary supervisor to discuss my concerns. I was so nervous and it really felt like an inquisition! The meeting lasted about an hour then they asked me to wait outside while they convened. Agghhhh! This was happening just like the bad dream I had the other night where they asked me to wait outside and when I was called back in they told me "We no longer want you here... anymore." I waited out in the hall for 20 min - but it felt like forever and then they called me back in. The good news is, it looks like I'll be getting my supervisor changed after some shiftings been done. The bad news is they feel that my research topic is not big enough for a PhD that it's a proposal for an MPhil! Hmmmm... I think this is due to a couple of reasons: 1) I haven't really been giving the kind of supervision I need, basically I really haven't had any direction. 2) Being that I was nervous I wasn't really able to explain myself fully. I did focus maybe a bit too much on the data I want to use from the excavation I work on and I can see how that could be viewed as not broad enough for a PhD. But I have another meeting next Tuesday with just the two new supervisors to try to work that out. Hopefully I'm getting on the right track.
My weekend plans of running down to London to sightsee, finally see Wicked after 4 years of longing to (I know all the songs!) and checking out the Tutankhamun exhibit have been postponed. *sigh* The friend's house we were going to stay out is actually unavailable she misunderstood and thought we were coming in April - so that's when we'll be going. Oh well something to look forward to and save for. Instead tomorrow afternoon I'm going to see the movie The Diving Bell and the Butterfly based on the book of the same title I just read over the weekend (review coming soon). Saturday I'm reading my heart out, going dancing later that night, and reading all day Sunday.
I did get goodies, gifts, cards and picked up my free birthday gift from The Body Shop. Over the last week I've been receiving birthday coupons in my email, free ice cream at Coldstone Creamery (damnit there isn't one here!!!), 25% off at Borders (they are here but far away and I don't think they do the rewards program), free goodie at Origins (also not here... well not in Liverpool anyway). Darn, darn, darn! Oh well! Here's hoping the weekend is better!
. listening . earthquake . the used . lies for the liars .
posted by Ashleigh @ 22:21,
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school woes
Thursday, 21 February 2008
I wonder if anyone has ever done a study on what pursuing a research degree does to someone's mental and physical health. I swear this acadamic year has been nothing but up and down - mostly down. Yesterday was another one of those days. I received another email from my soon to be ex-supervisor demanding that we meet immediately and he copied in the department head. I was so frustrated. I ended up sending a rather long email to the school head telling him everything that I've been through since last semester and all the steps I've taken to resolve the situation in order to get a new supervisor. I just said that I needed to know that someone in the department was on my side and that I needed the supervisor change to be made asap. I also emailed the ex-supervisor to say that I'm in the process of getting a switch (a.k.a. bugger off). When I'm stressed my eczema goes nuts, yesterday it began appearing around my lips, eyelids and my arm - it's not very attractive. I met with the school head this morning and was promised that everything would be taken care of within a week and to not think anymore about it. He could tell that this whole situation has been getting me down and he was very sympathetic and wants me now to rise above it and move on. And so I will!
In happier news I was able to snag a copy of People of the Book by Geraldine Brooks. It was checked in early and I rushed down to the library and got it before someone else did. It was sitting on the trolly waiting to be reshelved. I was looking for a bluish/black book since that's the cover I've seen but the UK cover is gold and the book was a lot thinner than I thought it would be. I look forward to devouring it this weekend! Lord knows I deserve a good read!. listening . the first of me . hoobastank . every man for himself .
posted by Ashleigh @ 15:15,
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patience is a virtue...
Friday, 15 February 2008
Another Valentine's Day spent alone... and I really mean alone because I didn't leave my house and didn't see any of my flatmates all day... sigh... at least it's over.
The university is really trying my patience. Can you believe they have yet to deposit my loan checks?!? I signed those suckers on Jan. 28 almost 3 weeks ago. Everytime I go to the Foundation Building to get some answers they just assure me that it can take 2-4 weeks and they'll have someone to call me to explain why - but no one ever calls. One girl finally said it can take as long as 10 business days - alright folks we're on business day #15!! I just want to know why it's taking so long to deposit a check - a good check - these aren't personal checks they're from SallieMae. All they have to do is deposit the checks into their account take a portion of my tuition and room and board out and then deposit the remainder into my account. Seriously people I'm tired of eating peanut butter and jelly (although I can't anymore since I'm now out of peanut butter and can't afford another jar) and pasta. I really hate asking for financial help but if I really need to there are people who will help me out. But the credit card people aren't happy and they needed to be paid a long time ago - oh dear!
The supervisor situation hasn't been completely sorted out either. The department head's father passed away so he's been out. Seems like that's happening a lot around here. I wasn't able to meet with the faculty head earlier because his father passed away. And my poor friend has been watching and waiting for her father to pass since just before the new year, he passed on Wednesday. The poor thing!
At least it's been a bit warmer here, in the 50s. It's been nice and sunny too, well partly cloudy anyway. A single daffodil bloomed outside in the flower box last week and he's still going strong. His little yellow head really sticks out amongst the green. I'm hoping it's a little banner saying spring will be here soon. Now I've just got to make birthday plans - 3 more weeks and I start the hopefullly slow descent into my 30s! I'd like to spend the weekend in London with a few friends, see Wicked, see the Tut exhibition, do some shopping (if that money is ever deposited), eat, drink and dance.
Happy Friday!
. listening . damn . matchbox twenty . yourself or someone like you .
posted by Ashleigh @ 11:40,
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this research has led me to the pub
Tuesday, 12 February 2008
Things have been moving slow in the land of research. I'm attempting to work without the oomph to do so. Plus I haven't been going into the office as I'm trying to avoid my soon to be ex-supervisor. He's been on my tail lately - wanting to meet - but I don't ever want to have to sit down with him again! Some of you know that I have had a rather rough start in the grand adventure that is the PhD. My supervisor in as little as 2.5 months whittled me down until I was a self-loathing blubbering idiot who seriously considered packing it up and catching the next flight home. He has no interest in me as a person, my future or my project as is evident from questions and remarks such as: "What are you doing again?" or "Remind me what it is you're doing". He has terrible people skills and I swear gets off on putting students down. I have never been so demoralized in my life! Fortunately I'm not the only one he treats like this but unfortunately unlike others my skin is not as thick and I absolutely refuse to go on like this. I'll get nothing done and fail miserably. But that should all change soon inshallah. I met with the faculty head and laid it all out on the table and received an apology and an agreement to change supervisors. I've decided not to submit a formal complaint cause you never know if these sorts of things can come back and bite you in the ass. So we've decided to stick to the story that since my project has changed (because the jerk pretty much said I was too stupid to do what I wanted to do - but that's fine cause I like my new project) and no longer falls under my current supervisor's area of interest it would be beneficial (and absolutely necessary) to change supervisors.
My goal this week is to work out a schedule and a plan of action to get cracking - something I really should have done on day 1 but I had no direction. It wasn't until recently that I was even sure of what I wanted to do - but now I know and now I've got to collect data and work my way through it all.
The Hathor Chapel at Deir el-Bahri: The Mortuary Temple of Hatshepsut
What am I doing? Well since I'm currently working with the UAEE on the mortuary temple of Tausert and have been given permission from the director to use data from our excavation (a rare treat) I've decided to look at the development of the mortuary temple on the west bank of Thebes. These would be the temples built from the beginning of the 18th Dynasty starting with Ahmose to the end of the 20th Dynasty ending with Ramses XI - that's a lot of temples to look at! But luckily not all of the pharaohs in that time frame built on the west bank and not all those who did have any material remaining other than the random stamped mud brick. Quite a few of the mortuary temples - like the one I work on - are poorly preserved and all that remains are their foundations. I want to understand how the mortuary temple evolved from the pyramid temples and valley temples of the Old and Middle Kingdoms as well as studying their development over 400+ years on the west bank. Why were certain rooms and suites expanded, what are their functions, who used them, etc. This requires studying the architecture and decoration of the temples that remain standing as well as the archaeological material (stelae, statues, pottery, etc.). In the case of the temple of Tausert and other temples whose foundations are all that remains I have the opportunity of studying the architectural and archaeological clues that lie beneath the temple walls which may help to indicate the use and purpose of certain rooms. So there is definitely lots to do and lots of excavation reports to dig through - unfortunately quite a bit of these were published in German which takes me ever so long to translate.
The second court at Medinet Habu: The Mortuary Temple of Ramses III
I'm slowly getting back into the habit of reading (for pleasure). I can't believe I've read so few books so far this year! It is so unlike me! We're almost half way through February and I've only read 3 books this year!!! I finished reading Where Angels Fear to Tread by E.M. Forster over the weekend. I really enjoyed it - it was scandalous but a simple tragedy that caused two of the characters to grow, albeit a quick growth since the book is only 135 pgs. That's one checked off the 888 Challenge. Looking back over the books I read in 2007 I realized that not many of them were recent publications due mostly to my obsession to tackle the 1001 books.... So I've decided to jump on The Pub bandwagon. 8 adult books (after all, we are in The Pub) published in 2008. Now I need to make my choices...
I had a good weekend. Still trying to tackle this sinus infection but I went out Friday night with a group to celebrate one of our friend's who just submitted his thesis. Glad to know that it is possible to finish! We went to The Fly in the Loaf a nice pub that used to be a bakery but now serves specialty beers. I'm not a big beer person but I sure do love the cherry beer I'm able to get here. Saturday night went over to another friend's house to celebrate a belated Burns Night - an ode to a famous Scottish bard. It was a great night full of kilts, reciting Burns, whiskey, and having my very first taste of haggis - it was really good but I have to try desperately not to think about what it's made of...
Anyway hope everyone has a nice week! Now I'm off to read!
. listening . freak on a leash . korn . follow the leader .
posted by Ashleigh @ 20:14,
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